Kaito / Katie Sinclaire @KS@is.a.qute.dog

Oh, yeah, the custom joycons arrived yesterday. https://is.a.qute.dog/media/HVafzO2oAQgsJiQvxGE

ow good morning

I had a killer headache last night so I retired way earlier than usual

Aaaahhhh, being genderfluid can really suck sometimes...

I wish I could have the feminine feelings that I am deeply craving right now, but to do so would just make it more difficult for me when I'm on a masculine kick again

Starting a project is the hardest part.

Hey, can I order hugs from myself?

It's 20 minutes past midnight on 12/26

Who wants hugs?!

Nostalgia moment for me: listening to music from Tyrian, composed by Alexander Brandon. In this specific case, Space Journey 1.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAIgYbqFkro#t=45m18

... and when you're done with that one, seek back to the beginning and listen to the entire soundtrack because it's _fucking amazing_

hey, I'm not asleep again!

... this time it's my own damn fault for being distracted, peering through OpenTyrian's source

re tinnitus stuff from earlier: It seems more likely that this is just a side-effect of when I had an ear infection back in october, so hopefully it won't last forever?

it did start up right at the exact same time as that, so...

apparently it can take some months for it to fully clear up.

Sorry if I worried anyone this morning

Things go downhill fast when I start to panic

so I just continue to sit here writing my thoughts out, into the æther for all I know, hoping that it does something

hell, just moments ago I was panicking hard enough to physically hurt myself in pure desperation, to do something, whether it was to pass out from sheer pain or brute-force fix whatever stupid problem I have that's causing the infernal noise to play on repeat in my ear

I'd probably have kept doing it, too, if I didn't realize quickly that it wasn't going to help either of those things

so meanwhile I sit here at 7am unable to sleep despite trying for hours, when I still have to work today and probably wind up damaging my hearing more for all I know

but I can't get away from it, and realizing that makes me panic so hard

isn't it just lovely how the same day I start planning a good old vacation, things suddenly get worse and turn me into a panicking wreck

I am pretty sure that my current job has heavily damaged my hearing (as would be expected for wearing a headset and getting loud noises blasted in my ear for eight hours a day) but I can't leave and even if I did no one would be stupid enough to hire me anyway

I need somebody to just ... talk to, right now. But everybody here is asleep, and rightfully so.

hey look, it's me, still up after trying to sleep almost two hours ago, who can't fall asleep because his tinnitus is aggravated badly enough now to be louder than the white noise from my phone a foot away from me